First day of school

Oh me oh my. I'm pretty beat from today so this probably won't be a long post, but I did want to share how our first day went.

First of all, I could. not. sleep. last night. Sometime after 3:00am I finally fell asleep so of course the dog had to wake me at 5:00am to go out. (She rarely ever gets up that early.) I got a little more sleep after that and when my hubby left for work I laid down for "just a few more minute" (I even set my alarm) and work up much later than I had planned. So I was "tardy" for my first day, lol. Thankfully, I had planned a shorter day just in case we had some obstacles. I'd have to say that one of the things I've been worrying about the most is the ability to give each child adequate attention while keeping the 3 year old out of the boys way. It wasn't too bad. For the most part she listened while T & I did our readings. When he did his handwriting, she asked for some letters to copy (she likes me to write them in dots for her to trace) and I went ahead and made her some numbers to copy while we did math. We did our picture study all together as a group and when we were done S wanted to draw. She drew a castle, the part of the painting that stood out the most to her. Overall, I was pretty impressed with her. I had K (14 yr old) work on the things he could do independently while I was working with T since he needs my help more and once T's work was complete, he & S played quietly while I helped K with the more intense parts of his work and he shared with me what he had learned so far. Everybody raved about how much they loved it, which was a huge relief to me. I know that not everyday is going to go this well, but I'm so glad that we've started off well. Tomorrow will be a bit more intense, but I feel more prepared. I'm so happy I stuck with it rather than listening to those negative thoughts (and sometimes negative people) and giving up.

New school year & life as I know it

Only 2 days to go. I may or may not have chewed my nails down to the nubs. Yes, in just 2 days we will begin our homeschooling adventure. I'm not sure if I'm brave or crazy. I will be homeschooling my 14 yr old & 6 yr old as well as entertaining my 3 yr old. My 16 yr old has decided to stay in public school since he's just got 2 years left. I am glad that I've found a great homeschool curriculum at amblesideonline.org and I really think the kids are going to enjoy it. I love that it's a Christian based curric. and that we will be doing a lot of enrichment type work (art, music, & some form of foreign language, possibly adding in sign language at some point) and a lot of outdoor activities. I'm taking the first week slowly and even thinking about spreading it over a 2 week period since this is so new to us and quite a bit more intense than what they're used to in public school.

There have been a few frustrations and obstacles in my planning. First, I've been having computer & printer problems. DD,  3 yr old, got ahold of the laptop when I wasn't looking and did some interesting things to it. I'm lucky that my best friend's husband is a computer genius and was able to fix the problems with the laptop. Sadly, it looks like the printer has printed it's last item. He seems to think it may have been dropped, did I mention I have 4 kids? Of course I didn't find this out until after I bought brand new ink. I'm hoping to get the other printer up & running tonight, which means I'll be printing everything off tomorrow or later tonight. Second issue, all my books haven't arrived yet. They were supposed to be here today, but didn't make it. Hopefully they'll arrive Monday. If not, we'll just improvise and work them in as they arrive. Either way it will be an interesting, and exciting, adventure.

It's been an exciting an somewhat strange summer. We had about 45 days of 100*+ temps which landed us inside more often than not. I'm actually looking forward to some cooler weather, which is odd for me because I generally prefer the warmer temps. My aunt has been home since the end of July, she's a Missionary in China. (not sure if that's actually safe to post here, hmmm) We've had a lot of fun with her and are not looking forward to sending her off next weekend. This year she's going back as a student rather than a teacher. She'll be attending the University where she lives to study Chinese and attempt to become fluent. After she's done she gets to come home (to the states) for 6 months! Woohoo!!! This is huge because she's been in China going on 3 years and was in Taiwan 9 years prior.

My weight loss is going pretty well. I'm down 22lbs since June 30th, and 17ish inches since July 17th (silly me forgot to measure from the beginning.) I'm excited to be down where I am now. I'm finally around the weight I was while pregnant with T (he's 6 now) and looking forward to losing more. I'm finished with my 1st round of hCG and will be starting another one mid-October. Praying I maintain what I've lost until then.

Well there are lovely children climbing on me as I try to type so it's probably best I wrap this up. I'll try to update more often and keep up to date on how our homeschooling adventure is going.

FYI: for those who have been posting comments, blogger is giving me issues in responding for some reason. I'm not ignoring and really do appreciate those of you who take the time to read my little blog. <3<3<3

I haven't posted in for.ev.er. It's been a busy life around here. I've had a lot of things going around in my head but can't seem to get them down onto the computer, which is frustrating. I'm just going to jabber a bit about what's been going on and what's coming up.

Summer has been H.O.T.!!!! Seriously, just walking outside makes me feel like I'm going to melt. We usually do tons of swimming, the kids grandparents house has a boat dock, but it's just been too hot. We did finally go to our favorite swimming hole lst week and that was a blast! The water there is freezing and it felt soooo good. We've visited a couple splash pads which the kids seem to enjoy. But overall we've spent a lot of time inside. With 4 kids that can get, um, messy, lol. We've been watching too much TV and I've spent too much time on the internet (hmm, you'd think I'd be writing more.)

I'm preparing for our first year of Homeschooling. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I'm excited to be able to spend more time with my kiddos and to be such an integral part of their education but I'm so scared I'm going to screw them up. I told a friend the other day, "I'm homeschooling. They'll know what I know. Therefore, they'll never leave home because they won't be smart enough." I know, bad joke. I'm using amblesideonline and am very excited over the layout, but still not sure how I'll implement everything. It will be a learning experience for us all. My oldest has chosen to stay in Public School since he only has 2 years left (wow, 2 years!? that can't be right) so I'll have the youngest 3 at home, K almost 15, T-6yo, & S-3 yo.

I've also been losing weight and have given up Pepsi, which is huge for me. (Now if I can just get dh to give up his Mt. Dew.) I'm doing the hCG diet and have lost almost 16 lbs since June 30th (I did a week long interruption or it would have been more.) I'm loving the way I feel and I'm so excited to get back to the body I, and my dh, deserve. I'll try to update on that more often.

Well, there's more I'm sure but that's all that's coming to mind now. I'm trying to ease back into writing so I'm hoping to be here more often. I've been working on getting my husband's testimony written up, it was lost when our previous laptop was stolen. I'm very excited about this because my husband is just such an amazing man and I love seeing what God's doing in his, and our, life. <3

Mother's Day & the motherless child

I read a beautiful post by The Peaceful Housewife a couple days ago about how difficult Mother's Day is when you're longing to be a mother, but haven't quite gotten there yet. My heart goes out to all the beautiful mothers who are still awaiting their little bundles of joy, but I also grieve for those who are on the other side. The children who celebrate this holiday longing for a mother of their own. I was one of those children.

Growing up, Mother's Day was always so difficult. While I was blessed to be raised by my grandmother in a very loving home, I still didn't have a mother. I was able to put on a hardened exterior when asked, "What's your mom like?" or "Where's your mom?" I would answer simply, "I don't have a mom." While some people would take that as an adequate response, there were still the one's who pushed on for an answer, "Oh, what happened?" or, the more oblivious, "Everyone has a mom!" to which I would respond nonchalantly, "She died when I was three." Then, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" I hated the apologies. I never really knew what to say so I would generally shrug and say, "It's ok." And then there were those still who wanted to know every. single. detail. Explaining to someone that your mother chose to take her own life isn't easy at any age. I'm not sure at what point I had mastered the responses, but I'm fairly sure it was an early age. I find it funny now that after revealing that last bit of info, I always felt obligated to reassure the person asking. As if it were my job to comfort them for prying into my life and getting such a sad, sad response. Most people probably never realized that it bothered me. I had the outward persona that everything was ok and since I was so young it didn't really affect me. I hate to see others upset so it was something I never even brought up to my family. But on the inside, I was so lonely. Especially on Mother's Day.

I always dreaded the arts & crafts at school & church. Make a beautiful picture frame or card for your mother. Oh, well you can just make it for your grandmother, or perhaps one of your aunts? On one hand, I do feel lucky to have had 4 beautiful women who, at different times, took on a motherly roll, but it wasn't the same. On Friday, I went to a Mother's Day brunch in Tyler's kindergarten class. Only a handful of the kids had someone there, and looking around I silently prayed that none of them knew the loss I'd known. Hopefully, their mother's were at work or otherwise engaged and they'll be spending a beautiful day with them tomorrow. My heart breaks for all the motherless children out there. It is a difficult road to bear.

Now, as a mother myself, I'm able to enjoy Mother's Day. I look at each of my children and know how truly blessed I am. I wish they could have known their grandmother. I wish I could have known her. I'm now finally at a point where I have truly forgiven her for what she did and wish to introduce my children, and myself, to the wonderful things about her. Time is healing. I pray that no other child has to go through such pain, but for those who do, I pray for peace & healing.

Happy Mother's Day to all the beautiful mother's.
Children, love your mothers and cherish every moment you have with them.

Good Morning!

So I know I'm always beginning my posts with "I'm new to GBD..." so I'll try to avoid that start ;) Today I woke up just feeling *different*. I can't really explain it, I have just felt really in touch with my children today. I know I have quite a few lovely GBD mamas out there saying prayers for me, and they were truly felt today.

For the first time, I felt like I was truly "Conscience Parenting" (I know that terms been coined by others, but it really fits what we're trying to do.) I was catching most meltdowns before they happened and gently breaking up fights. The first half of my weekday it's just me & Sydney then my boys trickle in one at a time. During the time it was just the two of us I made a conscience effort to really watch her and anticipate when something needed to change. I responded quickly to and sometimes even before her cues (whoo hoo!!) I didn't complain when she asked me fifty bazillion times to "help her" use the rest room. I don't know why this is one of my buttons. Perhaps it's because she always asks the second I start doing something or maybe it's because it often seems like it's every. five. minutes. Seriously! But today, she barely got out "Can you help..." before I was up and heading to the bathroom to hand her toilet paper. I made sure she had food before she asked and hit meltdown "I'm huuuuungryyyyy!!!" level. I intervened when she decided the dog was a chair. All in all we had a great day. And this set me up for success when the boys got home.

The sky opened up the second I pulled into line to pick up Tyler from Kindergarten. We made a quick giggly dash from the van to the front door trying not to get soaked. Today, when Tyler asked if he could play on the computer, the second he walked in the door, I responded, "Give me a chance to think about it and I'll let you know soon" rather than "we just walked in the door!" He was so patient with me that I allowed him. They had a few little, ahem, disagreements and instead of getting frustrated I did a variation of "you hit, you sit". I took the most upset of the two to one couch and sat the other on the second couch, reassuring that I would be right back to hear his side of the story. They both shared their story and looked at each other's boo-boos, in the end they made up. It was amazing!

When the big boys came in, the littles were in a great mood. I'm really working on Kurt & Tyler learning ways to let the other know what their boundaries are and when they need to be left alone. (They are so much alike that they really seem to butt heads sometimes.) They had one negative moment that was quickly "fixed" and got along great the rest of the day. Anytime I would hear someone raise their voice or say something negative towards a sibling I would simply say, "watch you words" or "think before you speak".

What a difference it makes when you've decided ahead of time that you are going to handle each situation gently and try to consider what's going on inside your children before taking action. Today was a beautiful day! I would have missed out on a lot of positives, had I ignored those early morning feelings.

When does it get easier?

I am having a seriously emotional day. The tears have been free flowing. There hasn't been a day that's gone by since discovering gentle discipline that I haven't wished I'd discovered it sooner. It's just so hard starting fresh when half of your children are already teens. I want so badly to NOT be punitive that I find myself struggling to not be passive. I feel as though I spend so much time researching what gentle discipline is *supposed* to be yet I have no idea how to put it into action. I know it's going to take time, it's been less than 6 months since giving up punitive measures. I'm so not a patient person. When I want something, I want it NOW!!

I'm feeling like such a failure as a parent. What if it's too late to make a difference? I want all of my children to have the same opportunities and to feel equally loved. I'm grateful to be starting early (still not early enough) with my 2 youngest, but feel so bad for my big boys. I have so much love in my heart for my family and all I want is the best for them. I've tried explaining the changes and that punishments are no longer on the table. My boys are very intelligent and have such amazing hearts but I don't think they *trust* this change. How horrible am I that my children don't believe that I am willing and truly desire to change because of my love for them? How do I assure them that this change is real and help them achieve the desired goals of gentle discipline? To me, those goals are to love themselves and others as Christ has loved us. I want to help them to make the right decisions because deep down they know they are right, not because they don't want to be caught. I want them to take the feelings of others into consideration in the decision making process. I want them to be honest with their own feelings, especially to themselves. They should know that it's ok to be mad, frustrated, disappointed, or to merely have a different opinion than others.

I sound so whiny. Me, me, me, I, I, I...*sigh* The enemy knows when to attack, doesn't he? This time will pass and I know I will eventually find my stride, but I sure wish it were sooner rather than later.

Lord, protect my heart. Guide me to make the right decisions for myself & my children. Help me to correct past mistakes and help me to forgive myself as You have forgiven me. Amen. 

Natural Parenting Blog Party

                                                    

I am new to the world of "natural parenting", so I was honored to be invited to be a part of this blog party by the lovely Dulce de Leche. I'm learning, and in some cases re-learning, how to follow my instincts so I'm really looking forward to reading these blogs.

I'm glad that to have been given a list of questions to get me started.

How many children do you have, and how old are they?
I have 4 beautiful children: Chris - 16 (next week), Kurt - 14, Tyler - 6, & Sydney - 3.
 
Do you have a partner, or are you a single parent?
I have an amazing husband who I've been married to for 8 years. I was, however, a single parent to Kurt for 6 years prior to being married so I have a perspective from both sides.

What are your “hot button” parenting issues?
I hate to hear people cuss *at* their children. It drives me crazy! I also hate when parents speak badly about the other parent in front of the children (especially in situations where the parents aren't together.) I feel this puts unnecessary guilt onto children and makes them feel the need to pick a side.

Have you made any parenting choices that you didn’t think you would make before you were a parent, i.e. cloth diapering a child when you had previously thought it was disgusting?
When I was pregnant with Kurt I thought breastfeeding was *icky* (I was 16) but am so glad to have been able to experience that with each of my biological children <3. I never thought about homeschooling either but I'm super excited to be starting this fall with Tyler. I've also been making a lot of dietary changes that my kids are none to happy about but I know it's in their best interest.

Is there one book or person in particular that’s heavily influenced your parenting choices?
Dulce de Leche - I was blessed to have met her a few years back and had never heard of "gentle parenting" before. I just kept reading her posts on facebook and discovered that *this* was the parenting of my heart and the way God wanted me to raise my children. Thanks to her, I also found GCM which has helped to fill in the blanks.

If you had to describe each of your children using only one word, what word would you use?
Chris-dramatic
Kurt-unique
Tyler-loving & wild (sorry, he really needs 2 words)
Sydney-precious

Is there one parenting decision that you regret more than others and wish you could change?
I regret not finding GBD soon enough and parenting punitively in the past. My 2 biggest regrets (I know it said one, I'm not good at directions) are 1)not breastfeeding longer & 2)circumcising my boys because I didn't know there was another option.

Is there an area of your parenting you wish you were better at?
I wish I didn't get frustrated so easily. Yelling, or loud talking, is something I struggle with and wish I *didn't* struggle with.

Now for the fun questions – is there one particular food or type of food that you could eat every day?
Asian, yummy! I hated it as a kid, but now I cook it at least once a week. My family likes anything spicy. I also love chocolate and would eat it all day everyday if it were free & wouldn't make me fat, *sigh*.

Vanilla ice cream or chocolate?
Vanilla. Not sure why, since I love chocolate so much, but I don't really care for chocolate ice cream. I don't mind it mixed with other stuff, but don't like it by itself. My fave is Ben & Jerry's Phish Food it's a mix of all kinds of goodies.

What’s your guilty pleasure?
Pepsi. I know how bad pop is and HFCS, but I love my Pepsi. And brownies from QT (a local convenient store.) May have to send my hubby to get one of each. :giggle.

If you could be part of any television show, which show would it be?
ALIAS. I know it's not on anymore, but it's an all time fave (guess where my daughter got her name.) I also love BONES. I could never be in front of a camera though, waaaay too shy.

Well that's me, in a nutshell. Looking forward to reading and learning more from all the other fabulous blogs.